Chapter 2: What-Ifs
by morialaurel94
Summary: Jal and Chris make a decision.


Jal had planned on telling Chris about her pregnancy over the phone but decided haphazardly to tell him in person. Chris, wanting to know what was wrong with his girlfriend offered to come over immediately even though it was about one in the morning. Jal agreed and was waiting for Chris to arrive. The sense of confidence that had consumed her over the phone had quickly dissipated and left her in an even more nervous condition that she had originally found herself in. She regretted prolonging the announcement because it only bought her more time to change her mind. Should she really tell Chris? Was she even making the right decision? As she gazed around her room, her environment only further added to her stress. Jal had learned in her psychology class that purple invoked a sense of calm in humans, and being the intelligent person she is, decided to paint her room a shade of lavender to alleviate her stressful life. The serenity that was supposed to allude from the walls was not working on Jal's distraught nerves. The pictures of her youth and musical talent trophies that filled her walls only further reminded her of the life she would give up by having the baby. She imagined a crib in the corner of the room, a trash can filled with soiled diapers, and toys strewn across the floor of her bedroom. Thankfully, Jal's deliberating was cut short but the subtle vibration of her cell phone. She picked up her phone and read the text message which notified her of Chris' arrival. She stood up and almost immediately fell to the ground. Her legs were shaking and could barely support her weight. After a few moments, she gathered her composure and headed out of her room towards the staircase. As Jal descended from the second floor, she felt as if she was being judged by her family as well as herself in the pictures on the wall. The smiling faces seemed to question her capability of raising a child and warned her of the sacrifices she would need to make. Each step seemed heavier than the last and all Jal wanted to do was run back to her room to shelter her from the confrontation. After what seemed like ages, Jal reached the bottom of the stairs. She could see the anticipation on Chris' face in the porch light and she could only imagine the reaction he would have after hearing the news she had for him. As she reached the door, her heart began to pound harder and harder. Her hand was shaking as she turned the door knob to let Chris in. She was immediately met by a gust of fresh, midnight air and the barging entrance of her boyfriend.

"Babe, I've missed you so much!" Chris explained as he embraced her. He breathed in Jal's scent as he buried his face into her neck. Jal remained lifelessly limp while her arms dangled against body. She gazed into the night sky that was visible from her open door. She only wished she could fly away from everything: from the pregnancy, from Chris, from her family, her friends, from school. Everything. It seemed so much easier to just float with the stars, gazing upon other's problems than to actually deal with her own. "Jal, hello? Are you there?" Chris placed his hands on her shoulders and attempted to look into her diverted eyes. "C'mon Jal, you haven't talked to me in days. What's the matter with you? Have I done something wrong?" Jal felt bad for ignoring Chris, she knew how much he cared about her and how much stress she had caused him with her absence. Jal bowed her head in silence and began to turn around to head up stairs. Chris followed her.

Once they reached her bedroom, the couple sat on Jal's bed in silence. "Why is it so dark in here?" Chris said as he made his way to the light switch. Jal did not want Chris to see her swollen, tear-ridden eyes and the urgent look in her face but she was too slow to object. Light instantly flooded the room and revealed Jal's condition. Chris immediately recognized that something was terribly wrong. Not wanting to worsen the situation, Chris made his way back to the bed and carefully sat next to Jal. He slowly entwined his fingers with Jal's and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "So you said you had something to tell me, what is it?" Jal didn't reply and only turned her face away from Chris. "Don't tell me you're breaking up with me," Chris groaned.

"No, no! It's not like that," Jal cried. She looked at him with desperation and vulnerability.

"Then come on babe, tell me," Chris said softly with an assuring smile. Jal again didn't respond and only looked towards the ground. Her eyes darted left to right trying to form the words as best as she could. Chris then placed his hand on her chin and lifted his face to hers. He cocked his neck, crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out. In a distorted, humorous voice he said, "If you don't tell me, I might go mad," Immediately, Jal giggled and was filled with a mild sense of relief. Chris had reminded her why she loved him, and that he would love her no matter what. With a deep breath and long exhale, Jal admitted what had been plaguing her mind the past couple of days, "I'm pregnant,".

Chris' face froze and went from encouragement to uncertainty and fear in what seemed like a split second. He drew his hand from hers and said, "What?" He had heard Jal loud and clear but was unable to process what he had just heard.

Jal repeated herself, this time with more conviction, "I'm pregnant". It felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Now the person who was equally culpable to the unplanned pregnancy was aware and she wouldn't have to make the decision alone. Chris stood up and walked towards the wall. He placed both hands on the wall and rested his head on top of them.

"Shit," he whispered to himself. Jal looked towards him hoping that he would take all of her problems away, but she knew that this time he couldn't. At least not at that very moment. She stood up and walked towards Chris. She wrapped her hands around his waist and rested her head on his back. She could hear his heart thumping, just as loudly as hers was.

"What are you thinking?" She asked. Chris turned around and looked at her, surprisingly he seemed as if he had a solution. One that would solve all their problems.

"I mean, we don't have to have the baby. We could get rid of it," Chris offered Jal a faint smile. But Jal immediately recoiled in horror. It hadn't occurred to her that Chris would jump to that conclusion. She knew he would be taken aback by the news but she thought that he would genuinely be excited. She thought back to her visions of their child, a happy baby girl who possessed the best qualities of both her parents. She thought back to the visions of their prospective family, one that was filled with love and happiness. Although the pregnancy had caused her strife, she had grown to not only love the idea of being a mother, but the love the existence of their child.

"I want to keep it, Chris. I think we can do this," Jal softly explained.

Chris then began to get angry. She could see his face begin to get red and his fists begin to clench together. His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes turned from comforting to attacking. "Are you mad Jal!? We're seventeen! We can barely take care of ourselves, much less a baby! I don't know if you realize, but babies cost money. In order to have money, you need a job. The last time I checked, I don't have a job, you don't have a job. So where is this money supposed to come from? On top of that, I'm not ready to be a father. My life is great right now. I party, I hang out with my boys, I have no responsibilities. And I'm not about to give that up for some stupid baby. And what about you? What about university? That's all you talk about anyway. Getting away from Bristol to be with your beloved music," Chris continued to degrade Jal's decision.

Every word that Chris hurled stabbed Jal and broke her heart. Even though she had been stressed from the pregnancy, she was actually excited to start a family with Chris. And she had been foolish enough to think, that an immature boy would share that excitement. Chris' reaction robbed her of the only comforting thought that came along with the pregnancy and left her feeling alone and scared. In silence, she walked away from Chris and laid down on her bed. Faced away from him, tears began to stream down her face onto her pillow. She tried hard to silence her crying but a few breaths of sadness escaped. Chris had stopped pacing the room and yelling at Jal. He sat down on the bed and hung his head. A few tears of his own began to fall down his face.

"Jal, I'm sorry. I should not have reacted like that. I'm just…" Jal interrupted. She sat up and faced him. With tears rolling down her face, she began to retaliate against Chris' hurtful words.

"Chris, just don't. I'm done, I don't care. I thought you would actually care about someone other than yourself. That you would care about what I wanted, how's that for comedy? It's not that easy to just 'get rid of it'. It's a human being, a baby. And not just any baby, our baby. So I'm sorry for upsetting you with my ridiculous notions. I'll make the call to the clinic tomorrow. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go to sleep. So you can leave now." Jal turned over again to face the wall. She could hear Chris' breathing and only wished that he would leave.

"I guess I didn't think about it like that," Chris murmured.

"Like what?" Jal spat as she looked at him in disgust. Chris paused and looked at the ground.

"That it's our baby." Jal looked at him with contempt.

"Chris, I'm really not in the mood for your stupid antics," Jal remarked while she rolled her eyes. Chris then looked at her with sincerity.

"No, I'm serious Jal! When you said you were pregnant, the only thing I thought about was how we would afford it. I didn't think about the actual baby." He looked towards her stomach and then placed his hand on it. "There's a little Chris-Jal person in there." He began to smile. Jal looked at Chris in confusion. He had rejected her decision immediately after hearing it, but now he was acting as if he was almost agreeing with her. Chris removed his hand from Jal's stomach. "I just don't know how we'd do it. And I don't know if I'm ready to be a father."

Jal thought to herself and imagined their future family. "It's not like we're the first teenagers to have a baby," Jal explained. Chris nodded in agreement. "We have nine months to figure it out. We could both get jobs and save for the baby. And after it's born, you can continue working and I could stay home with it until it's old enough to go to school," Jal could feel herself getting nervous talking about the future, but she could also feel excitement swelling in her chest.

"But Jal, what about you? What about university? Do you want to give that up to be a mother. It all sounds fine now, but would you really be able to handle it?" Jal paused, Chris was right that she was only speaking hypothetically. Putting her plan to work was going to be extremely more difficult. Jal continued to think to herself.

Jal sat up and looked at Chris in the eyes, "I'm not going to know how things turn out unless I do them. I'll make myself mad if I sit here going over the "what-ifs". Yes, I did want to go to university but then this happened. And now I want something different. All I know, is that I love you and I want to keep the baby. And I will do everything in my power to give it the best life possible. And I want to do it with you, Chris. We can do this, I know we can. We just have to change," Jal grabbed Chris hands and looked at him, hoping that he would see where she was coming from. They continued to discuss the logistics of their future for about an hour until they agreed to keep the baby.

The frightened, yet excited couple laid down facing the same way. The emotional roller coaster of the pregnancy had drained them and left them exhausted. Their breathing fell into perfect unison as they began to drift to sleep. Chris wrapped his arms around Jal, placing his hands on her stomach.

Chris exhaled and quietly said, "I just hope it's a boy,"

Jal laughed and whispered, "It's going to be a girl. I already know,"

And then they fell asleep.


End file.
